ZOLACORP (USA DIVISION) LTD (LISTED: NYSE)
Wednesday April 16th,
By Jim V. Murphy
NEW YORK (AP – New York) — With the new addition of the new CEO, Zolacorp management has decided to bring on some new hires with very diverse backgrounds.
Zolacorp’s new receptionist, Kimberly Rae Slaby. She has a Master of Engineering Degree in Electrical Engineering and Computer Science and a Master of Science Degree in Toxicology (Bioengineering and Environmental Health Division). She has years of experience of telemarketing or performing blind taste tests at various grocery stores around the country.
Zolacorp’s new network engineer and System’s Analyst, Craig Ehresman. He has responsibilities that include complete conceptualization, requirement analysis, design, and implementation of all aspects of the Intranet and WAN. This includes all Cisco switches and routers. He never likes to keep anything closed. All containers he has will remain open.
George Andrews, Director of Marketing. George has a Master of Education (Ed.M.), Technology in Education Program, Harvard University located in Cambridge, Mass. He also has a Bachelor in Arts (A.B.), Computer Science and Education, Dartmouth College from Hanover New Hampshire. George also has in-depth knowledge of Informix-4GL, Informix-SQL, FoxPro, Delphi, dBase, HTML, JOVIAL, C, Ada, Oracle, EDI, RFID, FORTRAN, COBOL, J2EE, Visual BASIC and PASCAL. He left the programming world in pursuit of a career change. He assists Craig Ehresman from time to time. After work he is known to wind down and hang out at the local 7-11 to have a cold one.
Maria Diaz has started as the new Finance Director. She is known for covering a lot of area. She has graduated with honors from Northeastern University in Illinois and has a Ph.D. in Solid State Physics from Tufts University. Zolacorp is delighted to have Maria on board. With her credentials, there are thousands of companies that wish to employ her immediately. Fortunately, Zolacorp offered her the highest starting salary of $175,000, 3 months paid time off, and a performance bonus of $25,000 to $75,000 in December.
3 responses so far ↓
1 Liz // Sep 18, 2008 at 8:10 am
you guys are UGLY
2 susan kelley // Jun 6, 2009 at 10:44 pm
In all seriousness, the photo of Craig Ehreshman is a photo of my older brother who unfortunately is mentally ill and roams the usa as a homeless person. (his mental illness was triggered by witnessing the murder of his grandmother as a young child).He is originally from Missouri. While you guys are obviously making fun of the unfortunate mentally ill homeless people, like you have nothing better to do with your time(I assume you are not a christian for a christian wouldn’t be have this way), I have a request. His family has not seen him for over 15 years. Please try to make good, on the unfortunate laugh you had at Craig’s expense. Please email me at susieqin@live.com and tell me where you got his photo from and what city/state area you retrieved the photo from so that I may narrow down the search area for him. His family misses him desperately and has been trying to locate him. He was rumored to be in Florida. Please help Craig Benjamin Ehreshman.
3 Homie // Jun 7, 2009 at 4:13 am
We are not Christians and have no desire to be. That’s a bullshit religion designed to brainwash people. Christians are nothing more than bitter hippocrits. You can find him here: http://mugshotdujour.com/florida/craig-ehresman-possession-of-an-open-container-3192008
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